Dear Santa, Christmas is sexist
Now Santa before I get started, I want to say first of all, that my husband is a good man. A really good man. For 11 months of the year.
He shares the parental and home-life workload with me really fairly. A bit like I imagine you do with Mrs Claus? Yes? He works in the office full-time and I work my two jobs and do all the pre and post-school childcare (which equates to more than full time hours but let’s not get nitpicky here). Rob does the bins, the washing up and all the DIY stuff, while I do all the shopping, cooking and laundry. It always feels like a pretty fair deal to me… until December turns up.
You see Santa, in December, Rob’s life stays exactly the same. And mine goes absolutely fucking mental. It’s not just me though Santa. Oh ho ho no.
Every married or co-habiting woman I know is going through the exact same thing. And witnessing this has led me to a conclusion. It’s a conclusion I don’t think you’re going to like, but I’m going to tell you anyway.
Santa… Christmas is a lazy, sexist, misogynist pig.
Christmas knows it’s still going to happen even if the men do absolutely nothing doesn’t it? Now I’m not blaming you per se Santa. I’m blaming centuries of the patriarchy. Centuries of women being the home-makers, the nurturers, the cooks… even though now, centuries after Christmas started, women are now also shopkeepers, lawyers, nurses, teachers… busy people, you know? Santa I’m not sure if people realise this up there in the North Pole; but women are now just as busy with work as men.
So yeah. The women now have to do the jobs and earn money and usually still be the primary carer. Which is fine… we are literally just about holding that together (with the help of wine and regular breakdowns). But you see when December, actually let’s make that November, appears… shit gets INSANE.
The men; they continue as normal throughout the insanity and miraculously children get taken to pantomimes, nativity costumes get ordered, money gets sent into school for Christmas fetes and lunches. Festive jumpers get bought, Christmas bastard Eve boxes get filled, magical reindeer food appears in cupboards. A prick called the Elf on the Shelf turns up (I know for a fact none of your elves are that annoying Santa), visits to meet fake versions of you in Winter Gardens happen and children in pyjamas hop on Polar Express trains up and down the land.
And I must stress Santa, this is all done by the women. And I must further stress that this is all taking place before Christmas Day itself.
Ah ok. Christmas Day itself. We women are much like your teeny little elves on the big day Santa. Actually, are they teeny? I’ve always wondered about this. I might be getting them mixed up with fairies. Anyhoo…
On Christmas Morning, the men wake up and see that there is a sea of beautiful gifts (on top of the ones that you bring; obvs) for every family member. They’re all wrapped in gorgeous paper and topped with bows and tags. You know as well as I do how long it takes to wrap a sea of presents don’t you Santa. Later that day, the men eat a beautiful meal. Turkey with all the trimmings. And by trimmings I mean a 5 course menu which has taken more planning than the Masterchef season finale.
And don’t get me wrong Santa; there are some men out there who cook this beautiful meal, or at least assist with it. There are even some men who help buy the gifts, but these men are rarer than a grinch at a nativity performance.
So what I’m saying I suppose Santa, is that as much as I bloody love Christmas… it feels like the women have been a bit stitched up you know. We’re knackered by Boxing Day. Much like your good self I imagine. Do you think it might be possible for you to sort some kind of arrangement for the women to perhaps have January off? Like you do?
P.S – Please don’t put me on the naughty list cos of me foul mouth now will you?
*** Liked this? You might have a good laugh at this post.