School Gate Chic

Published by Editorial team on

Sooo. The subject we are going to go with today girls and boys is …… drum roll please…..School Gate Chic. I would like to share with you merely a few of my observations since signing up to be a fully fledged ‘School Gate Mom.’ Lucky me – I now have kids in two different year groups so I have the golden ticket to stand at two different areas in the yard and mingle amongst two different WhatsApp groups! 

What with that and my natural social skills I am definitely in with a chance of landing my PTA crown in the not too distant future! As Dawn from slimming world always told me; life is a journey not just a destination. I have a PTA-specific dream of being promoted from bric a bac to the teddy bear stall and I will rise through those ranks and come out a winner. 

As I say I wanted to talk about school yard chic… I’m thinking specifically of situations before covid here (BC).  The current situation AC is we all queue side by side crammed together beside a main road with toddlers flinging themselves everywhere, and four by fours flying past chucking little jimmy out of the window with a quick sanitise to the face/arse. No chance to check out anyone’s fashion choices really.

I am, by nature, a people watcher and school is a great place to do this. My main observation is that almost EVERYONE, no matter what their tribe, wears lycra. Not just the jolly boot camp mummies off to do their squats together and giggle over who they’d rather be squatting over, but all the ‘active wear’ yummy mummies as well. These guys wouldn’t dream of a squat or a thrust or whatever, they have perfect make up and amazing hair and are usually off to have a frothy coffee before a spa day.

 Another group, often in lycra, are the over friendly, too involved, WhatsApp group setter uppers. This tribe try to get all the class parents to bond together and sort collections and nights out (yes please!).  I mean they are good in the sense that us less organised Mams can get a text to remind us its yellow sock Monday, or dress as your favourite Take That character Tuesday. Such organised people, how do they keep their kids fed, breathing, clean, with the right kit? The little fuckers look so well groomed all the time whereas mine turn up with half a bourbon biscuit in their hair (Morrisons finest though I’m not a monster.)

Speaking of well groomed there are also those ‘high flying business types’ who are most certainly NOT in lycra. Suited and booted, walking remarkably well in stilettos and dashing off to a business meeting to clinch a deal straight after class assembly. 

You’re lucky if I put a bra on under my Christmas jumper for the nativity never mind a tailored suit and heels (but I naturally ooze sex appeal so I guess I can get away with it).

There are a few more tribes now I think about it. We live by the beach so there are the surf dude types just hanging around at pick up in their wet suits (I tried it once – my best mates comment that a wetsuit should pull you in not push you out meant that look was sadly short lived). There’s the always late, the Eco warrior,  someone selling the pyramid shite, the mother that just wants a quiet word about my kids behaviour, the drunk, the hungover, the families of 10 kids, 5 pets and massive Dutch bikes to carry them around in, oh and of course the single Dads…  

I wont lie I do have a vested interest in who the single school dads are, I mean its not like I’ve got a spreadsheet of the car they drive, the time they arrive or what Jimmy’s favourite toy is or anything… But I have signed up for the next dads night out, we’re all about inclusivity after all.

Shelley Wilson blogs at ‘Wine Before School Run’

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Categories: Good Reads