Shit Happens

Published by Editorial team on

I’m always a bit apprehensive about offers on holidays and collecting coupons to get there; but the lovely mother-in-law collected and sent all of the relevant info I needed for our little caravan minibreak and the rest is history.

It was so nice to be with my family and have the sea breeze on our faces for a few days. Although, I’m not sure I’d call staying in a small caravan with 3 under 3’s a holiday. Let’s just say the sleep situation  was interesting.

On our final day my one year old, Cassie, decided to put us through our paces to truly finish us off. She started the day off by managing to unlock the main door to the caravan, and face planting down the steps onto the concrete. The blood was removed, the car was packed up, time for one last swim before heading home. Last minute, my Mum decided she didn’t fancy swimming. Possibly the best decision she had made all year. 

“Mummy; done poo poo” Cassie said. I had been pretty used to hearing this and seeing no evidence so I laughed along and continued splashing around in the baby pool with her. She said it again.

Now here was my mistake: I took a look. Broke the seal. The poo spilled all down her legs and of course she then threw herself at me and we catapulted back into the pool.

I was desperately working out how I was going to get us out of the pool without her screaming like she was on fire. There was no way her three year old sister would be able to stay in the pool without her… meaning I’d have to take them both shivering (and shitty) out of the pool. I began to notice more evidence of poo, floating by us… We have been swimming A LOT and NEVER has she ever done a number two. I blame the facilities to be honest; too good; this pool was as warm as a bath… maybe that was the problem.

It was time to tell my sister who was swimming close by. She very quickly disappeared in embarrassment out of the pool and into the next pool with her little one, thankfully persuading my eldest to join her. 

I then headed towards the rather young, trendy lifeguard. At this point I could now feel something making its way down my leg. Positive thoughts  – it’s just water, it’s just water… All is fine here. 

“Hi there, erm… my little one has just shit in the pool.” The guy shrugged as if to say, that’s cool, happens all the time. “I mean… there is actual shit floating in your baby pool.” I ventured. 

This got him moving; albeit rather slowly. My cheeks were definitely pretty red by this stage. A very handsome dad was heading towards the baby pool with his very pristine baby. I couldn’t leave it… I knew the lifeguard was still climbing down from his chair. 

“Hey… best not to take your baby in there. My little one has just had an accident.” He looked me up and down and moved on pretty quickly with a horrified look. All positive thinking was now gone. I knew the dripping down my leg had to be shit. What if he thought it was mine..?

I rushed Cassie towards changing rooms. At least my sister would be able to find us, she could follow the wonky mustard trail to our showers. I stripped her down. Another mistake. Poo was now stuck in the gutter of the communal showers. I took the swimming costume into the toilets to wash it out in the sink. Another mistake. I’m sure I hadn’t fed her sweetcorn that week? 

Well… I don’t think we’ve ever all got dressed so quickly after a swimming session. #thegoodthingisthough nobody swallowed Cassie’s shit bomb in the swimming pool as far as I know AND I have booked another holiday to recover from this one!

Written by Sue Grace.

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Categories: Good Reads